February 2010
229 posts
And my brother.
My mom had to call my brother to tell him. He asked about me. He said he misses me. He said I have a ten month old niece named Lillian. He said he’s sorry. He said he loves me.
Why did this have to come on such horrible terms?
My mother’s been burning a candle for the past two days.
We noticed on a family member’s facebook status that they said goodbye to our grandmother.
And then the candle’s flame lessened.
We looked for pictures of my grandmother and put them up.
And then the flame was but a tiny blue light.
We shared stories of her and cried.
“The flame’s practically gone...
Treat her better than you treated me. I hope you...
January 2010
112 posts
I hate just sitting here and waiting.
I hate waiting for this. I hate dreading this. It’s inevitable. Every time the phone rings my heart starts pounding and I wait to see the expression on my mother’s face when the person on the other line tells her the reason for their call.
I know this is selfish but I don’t want this to happen. I don’t want to go to the funeral and wake and see the side of my family that...
Homework vs. WoW
I think I’m gunna have to go with WoW. I do have a lot of homework though… Maybe if I just play WoW for like 15 minutes…
Yeah, like that’s gunna happen.
Why am I such a loser?
For the most part,
I still think of you before I go to sleep. Well, us. Not us now though. And not us towards the end. But us at the peak of all that was wonderful. You remember those days too, I know you do. I still can’t believe we were graced with such a gift. Such an amazing and beautiful thing was right at our fingertips, and we let it slide past us.
But that’s always how everything moves along....
I really enjoyed the poem they used for the...
On Turning Ten
The whole idea of it makes me feel like I’m coming down with something, something worse than any stomach ache or the headaches I get from reading in bad light— a kind of measles of the spirit, a mumps of the psyche, a disfiguring chicken pox of the soul. You tell me it is too early to be looking back, but that is because you have forgotten the perfect simplicity of...
Things that I want to happen today:
Get my nose re-pierced
Buy Modern Man In Search of a Soul by Carl Jung
Get this headache to magically disappear
Have my mom call the doctor’s before her illness gets worse
Have him text and/or IM me
Smoke a bowl
None of them will probably happen though. And I’d also like to get rid of this I-hate-the-world attitude. At least Leanna’s coming over tonight. That’ll make...
Just a thought.
I wish I was better at verbally expressing myself. My whole family has always had a way with words and I really never have.
I just think it’d be a nice because I have a lot of thoughts and no way of rightfully communicating them.
Guess I’ll just have to practice.
My "Aunt" Sharon is coming into town!
Fuck YES! I’m so psyched. She’s fucking insane!
I just want a regular pair of sweats.
That’s all I’m askin’ for right now.
Sunday's usually Mommy-Breezy day.
She went out with some dude though, so I’m chillin’ on Tumblr instead. I just had some chinese food and watched District 9. Probably wasn’t the best idea to eat while watching that movie. I still feel a bit queezy.
Other than that, my day is consisting of nothing. Well, I’ll be doing laundry too. And I’ll probably be making an appointment to get my nose re-pierced...
Everlong by Foo Fighters
I feel so cold in a heated room.
I cannot stand your self-pity.
I wish I didn’t give a shit about you. I wish I didn’t care if you fucked up your life or not. I wish you would act like an adult and realize that you need to grow up and face whatever’s thrown at you.
No, you cannot stay secluded inside your house and let your life slip out from underneath you.
No, you cannot just stop caring about school, your friends, and your family.
And...
Oh man.
Even though today was shitty, it was great. From UB to romance to old drunken friends. I wonder what tomorrow has in store. (:
Close Yet Far by CKY
University at Buffalo.
Leanna, her mom, my mom, and I all went to Buffalo today to check out the university there and it was in-freakin’-credible. It was HUGE! I’m pretty sure I want to go there now. I’m glad I went because I’ve been freaking out about college lately and this visit just made me excited about it. Thank you Leanna for talking me into going.
I think there were only a couple times...
January 22.
It’ll be five years tomorrow. Five years. Holy shit. I remember when it happened wondering what life would be five years from that day. I guess I know now, and it’s not like I thought it’d be.
I feel kind of pathetic for still missing you as much as I do. It’s been five years already, shouldn’t I be over it? Although you’d be proud of me, because I’m not...
"In a relationship"
You know what? Just, fuck you.
*sigh* Oh well, moving on.
Bre, do your fucking homework.
Ahh! Where is this apathy coming from?!
Ahh, always Josh.
Josh: bree!!
Me: Josh!
Josh: what's up?
Me: Feelin' dead. You?
Josh: Feeling very dead.
Me: Like wtf's up with that?
Josh: Idk but it sucks.
Me: Definitely.
Josh: but at least I saw that movie where the rock is the tooth fairy today.
I think I have pink eye.
Well, this sucks. Whatever.
I feel like I’ve been Tumblr deprived because it doens’t work at Leanna’s house so I couldn’t go on last night. And I was really feelin’ the urge to go on last night.
But anyway, I really need to work on improving myself. I mean, I’m doing fine in school and everything and I’m still trying to lose weight but I really need to...
Love is a lie set in a frame
Laying on your bed, hurting, maimed
But don’t worry, close your eyes
Just imagine deep blue skies
Man, I missed my stoner friends.
I forgot how much fun they are.
(:
Thanks for bailing, asshole.
I hate it when people flake on me. I don’t mind as much if they text me first and tell me they can’t hang out, but when they don’t even have the decency to do that that’s when I get pissed.
Fucking cool.
Well, gunna hang out with Mike and Josh tonight then. Which is just fine with me. (:
“If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If you never get hurt, you...”
– Penny Lane, Almost Famous (via movieoftheday)