December 2009
72 posts
Just got done smudging the house.
While the Blue Moon is still waxing my mom thought it’d be a good idea to smudge the house to let the new year in when the moon starts waning again. I already feel the positive energy starting to fill the house.
Anywho, I think it’d be a grand idea to share with you some of my resolutions in order to have more motivation to fulfill them. In 2010, I will…
Lose weight (shocker),...
I saw a hawk today.
A red-tailed hawk, while I was coming back from horseback riding. My dad once told me that if he could ever be any animal in the world, he’d be a hawk. So whenever my mom and I see a hawk we can’t help but think it’s him looking down on us.
I miss him. Winter is always really rough. The holidays bring memories and then January marks the anniversary of his death. Depression...
I really don't want to do go tonight.
Maybe she’ll live up to my expectations and ditch us for a party so I won’t have to sit through her unbelievable stupidity.
What the fuck are we doing?
I’ve had so many things running through my mind lately. My eyes have finally begun to open.
What the fuck are we doing?
I don't get it.
I ate a SHITLOAD on the day before Christmas, Christmas, and yesterday and I didn’t work out at all. I’ve been scared to go on the scale the past three days, but I just weighed myself and I lost a pound. I don’t understand it but I’m really happy lol. I didn’t even try to eat healthy either. I had like ten chocolate candies, a piece of chocolate pie, a piece of...
Finally finished DLing WoW!
Now I will be a happy camper when I’m bored and alone. Thank you WoW!
Oh I forgot to mention.
I’m going to do this end of the year photo collage thing with my new Polaroid. I’m just going to take pictures of who/whatever’s important for this next week and then stick ‘em all together.
I’ll post the final product on here sometime in the future.
I really want to go shopping.
I don’t know why because I hate shopping. But I really want to right now.
Fuckkkkkkkk.
Why did I stay up this late? I should’ve known I was going to get upset and not be able to go to sleep. Now I’m stuck here feeling like this for the rest of the night. Plus, I ruined yet another relationship because of my shitty mood.
Way to go.
Fuckin' stoked.
My mom spends SO MUCH MONEY on me for Christmas. I think it’s because when she was younger she didn’t actually get treated like a child should on Christmas. So she is now living the Christmas she wanted through me haha. She’s the best.
List of things I got:
-Sims 3
-Estaban Celestial Night Guitar w/ guitar lesson DVDs
-Four necklaces, two bracelets, and two pairs of earrings
...
Every year.
I have to watch this one home video of all the Christmases we shared together in Wisconsin.
I’ll pop it in after I finish wrapping.
Peacock Tail by Boards of Canada
Ho-ly shit.
Tonight has been fucking insane.
So first off, this guy invites me to go see Avatar and I’m like why the fuck not? I mean, Matt went to the movies tonight, didn’t invite me, and told me absolutely nothing about it. So I go to Crossgates with this guy and he’s crazy. I said “fuck” or “shit” and he goes, “You mean crap. Clean up your mouth, clean up...
You suck.
Either I’m too jealous, or you’re too friendly.
I wish we didn’t have this past. I wish I could trust you. I wish I could trust you. But I can’t. I know I can’t. I’ll never be able to trust you. I’ll see you talking to some girl and it makes me want to throw up when I wonder what you’re thinking about her.
What I hate most is that I’ll never...
I cannot wait until Christmas break.
Seriously.
I shall be happy during the holidays from now on.
fs
savahna:
goodtosea:
savahna:
I think you’re beautiful, wonderful, and even though we only met a few times a long time ago, I still think very fondly of you. Keep smilin’. (:
awh (-: thank you! this is so sweet. Who are you!? lets talk!
Remember me? :D
awh! yes i do remember, you are so sweet. And crazy pretty!
Thanks doll :) How ya been?
fs
savahna:
I think you’re beautiful, wonderful, and even though we only met a few times a long time ago, I still think very fondly of you. Keep smilin’. (:
awh (-: thank you! this is so sweet. Who are you!? lets talk!
Remember me? :D
I need YOUR help.
I need some really good music to work out to. All of my music is way too mellow and does not get me pumped.
Any Suggestions, please?
I love talking about weed with my mom.
Mom: Weed always really fucked with my head. Whenever I was with a crowd of people I would always think they were saying my name over and over again.
Me: So you had a really paranoid high too?
Mom: Yeah, but that was only with hide-in-the-closet weed. There's all different kinds of weed, ya know. There's that, party weed, and clean-the-house weed. I've always really liked clean-the-house weed.
Me: Haha, proactive weed. It's just tough to find good weed around here because there's always so much shit in it. Like on the west coast it's a lot more natural.
Mom: Yeah, oh well. I stopped smoking in my last couple years of high school anyway.
Me: Why?
Mom: Didn't really interest me as much anymore. But I did start really young, like 11.
Me: So did I. I started when I was 12. I'm actually glad I got my experimenting over with while I was young so that now I don't fuck up the rest of my life like everyone else in my school is doing.
Mom: Yeah, I guess you can be thankful for being fucked up at a young age rather than being fucked up right now.
*laughter*
Dead.
Just ran on the eliptical for about an hour. Almost passed out, but kept truckin’. Ready to take a shower.
Hypothesis: IF Matt keeps ignoring me, THEN he can fucking forget tonight.
Today isn't going well so far.
Missed my 5 hour with Leanna so we ended up walking around Colonie Center about 20 times and we ate soup. I had lobster bisque, I really wish I didn’t. Not only do I feel extremely sick but I feel like I let myself down as well.
I have to eat more fattening foods tonight as well because I have to go to Matt’s Family’s Christmas party thing. I really don’t want to go....
I ate a piece of pizza today.
Very, very slowly.
~
On another note, I wish I was on some tropical island right now. In some shorts and a t-shirt, sitting on the beach underneath a big umbrella, reading a book. Just listening to the waves crash and sinking my feet into the warm sand.
Oh what I would do.
Woke Up Dead In The Morning by The Roots of Orchis
I just wanted to let you guys know.
You are beautiful.
Life should not be wasted counting calories. I’ve come to realize that again. I haven’t been eating all too well lately and I’ve been trying to put myself in the mindset that that’s okay, but it’s not. I’ve lost a fair amount of weight doing it. I feel horrible when I eat now too. And I feel horrible when I look in the mirror and don’t...
Today.
Today I went to pick up the photos my mom got printed out of her paintings at some photography store. I ended up going inside with her and talking to a guy who works there about photography and such. And he really got me excited for it. He gave me such good advice and he was totally right about everything he said. I’m not going to give up on this. It IS my passion.
I love meteor showers!
I just went outside with my ma and jumped around for about ten minutes watching shooting stars go by like a little kid. They’re just so much fun!
I am so happy!
I’ve lost 9 pounds! I’m so proud of myself! I said I was gunna start losing weight, and I am! I’ll show all you fuckers who put me down my whole life. That’s right.
I think we'll do just fine.
Why is it so hard for me to realize that you’re perfect for me? Probably because I’m still young yet and I want to know what else is out there. But when I do look I don’t find much.
He’s too much of an asshole.
He ignores me.
He’s too good at everything and intimidates me.
He’s not trustworthy enough and doesn’t care.
He’s too obsessive.
When I...
I don't wanna get punched in the face.
Leanna: I wanna be his best friend! Tell Matt to text him and tell him that.
Me: Okay. *Texts Matt*
Leanna: I mean, he's so cool. He pees on things. I'll ask him to pee on me.
Me: *Blank stare*
Leanna: Just kidding, that's really gross.
Oh man, Mom.
I know you love painting. I know you still have the ability to reach your dream of making a living off of your artwork. But you promised me you’d really help me get my stuff out there when we came New York. In Wisconsin everyone thought I was good because you were my mom. I wanted people to look at my artwork and think “Breanna” not “Peggy’s daughter”. But I...
I enjoy YOU.
And I’ve missed you. I’m really glad we were able to talk and fuck around like we always used to. You never failed to make me laugh.
I hope you call back later. (:
Memento Mori.
Remember, you must die.
I love latin. I’m pretty sure that if I get anymore tattoos with words in them they’ll be in latin also.
So,
mapsandatlases:
goodtosea:
mapsandatlases:
goodtosea:
mapsandatlases:
goodtosea:
mapsandatlases:
I’m looking at the hospital I’ve been threatened with for the past 2-3 weeks by my mom and now, finally, my doctor. Is it fucking sick if I actually think it’s not that bad? It’s an in-patient care center, so I’ll be away from my friends and stuff. No running. No school. No sleeping in my...
So,
mapsandatlases:
goodtosea:
mapsandatlases:
goodtosea:
mapsandatlases:
I’m looking at the hospital I’ve been threatened with for the past 2-3 weeks by my mom and now, finally, my doctor. Is it fucking sick if I actually think it’s not that bad? It’s an in-patient care center, so I’ll be away from my friends and stuff. No running. No school. No sleeping in my own bed. But, I just want to...